I had told God I wanted to be His child. I would serve and I would do things for Him. Later I would even decide to move out of my comfort zone for Him. And then there came the time at the Altar that I decided to give myself 100%. I was going to be a disciple and I was in love with Jesus. I wanted to serve Him like never before. I began doing things that I had never done before like starting Sunday school classes, starting a women's circle and serving on different committees and even served on a team for a retreat. I was growing and things were going well. One day a girl called me to work on her retreat team and give a talk. I told her no because I felt God and I had an agreement. We had an understanding. When I said 100% it meant everything but this - He knew better than anyone how I could not do that.
Recently, I heard someone talking about having a treaty with God. I realized, for years, I had a treaty with God. I did not know that is what I had but looking back, yep, I had a treaty. I was happy to trade favors with Him. He was pouring blessings on me and I was serving Him. I would do my part and He could do His. But don't cross the boundary! These boundaries helped me stay in control and avoid discomfort and pain. I set these boundaries and I truly thought He would not cross those. I was the only one in a treaty!
Thank goodness, God never signed that treaty. He loved me through my wrestling matches. I still have to check myself that I am not trading favors and building borders. Fear and pride can motivate us to set certain boundaries with God. There are times we are like Jacob, wrestling with God. Jacob was greatly afraid because he had stolen the blessing and birthright from his brother, Esau. Jacob had been his own master instead of allowing God to give him the blessing. He knew that Esau wanted to kill him. That night he wrestled, fought against, God. We, all, wrestle with God at times. When we finally decide to surrender, recognizing God is in charge, Jesus becomes our Master and we do not have to be in charge!
There are times for all of us today when we have a choice to be like Jacob, wrestling with God, persevering in pressing in to receive the inheritance that is ours in Christ, to live in the freedom and joy of being sons and daughters of the King, or to do the opposite and fight against Him. When I came to a place of humility and honesty I had a breakthrough in my life. He is Lord and I am not. He knows my weaknesses and sinfulness and still can use me. It is then that God can change our heart and our character.
The funny thing about me trading favors with God is that God doesn't need anything from me or anyone else! He does not lack anything! He is not dependent on anyone or anything! We, on the other hand, have to live totally dependent on Him. Exodus 3: 14, "God said to Moses, 'I am who I am.'" He is Who He says He is! Acts 17: 24-25, "The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by human hands. And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything. Rather, he himself gives everyone life and breath and everything else."
There have been times it would be nice to bypass the hard times but there are too many blessings that come with the perseverance! As I often say, it is in the hard times that we grow. It is in the hard times that we learn to trust God. The more we do this the more our faith grows. Romans 15: 13, "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."