I had spent three years running from public speaking. It was exhausting having to make A's on things so I could get a zero on oral presentations. I let me fear snowball and there came a time I would not go up for communion. I am ashamed of that but that is what happens when you let fear take over. Lying in my bed reading I thought I wish I believed in something so strong I could stand in front of people and talk.
I would continue running for 40 plus years. After 20 years I was asked to give a talk and that came right after I had given my life to Jesus, 100%. I had always held back a little but God knew we had this agreement. I had started writing for Him and that way I wouldn't have to talk! After wrestling I gave in and God would make sure I gave talks on a regular basis. But only there - that was the only safe place for me.
A pastor on one of the weekends asked me to speak at her church for 225 women! Something was different, after 40 plus years, I was a lot scared but a little excited! After I committed and told God I would trust Him I remembered the rest of the story. When I was 17 and said I wish I believed in something so strong I could speak in front of people, I got an answer in my heart. God said, "you will speak in front of crowds one day." I don't know if I blocked it out or just knew it was impossible.
I am blown away looking at what God did with Hope in Him and I realize how He has had this planned all along. I thought it wouldn't happen but as He told me no one and no thing can stop what He has planned for me. And the most shocking thing is that I believe this is the desire of my heart, since I was 17 and I didn't know it. Psalm 37: 4, "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart."
A friend said, “You asked for this ministry at the age of 17, even though you did not know exactly what it would be. God has been preparing you all this time. Going through your illness and the people you know experiencing an illness, have prepared you for this moment. It is all in God’s plan.” Isn't God so cool that He helps us with our inadequacies, pushing us to our desires that we don't even recognize! He gives us His wisdom and supernatural powers to do things that we know we cannot do without Him! Our will becomes in sync with His will. Thanks be to God!