Trusting God In Momma Mode
Sarah and I spent the evening before surgery with some of our special family. He and his wife had recently moved to the area and we got to see their place and catch up. It was a wonderful evening! Most of that night I talked to God, saying, I trust You, God. I know You love her more than I do! I trust You! The next morning as they rolled Sarah away I could feel the tears start. She had a surgeon to do the double mastectomy and then a surgeon who would do the temporary reconstruction. The second surgeon saw me and came to the room I was in and just held my hand assuring me. Honestly, I told him I was not concerned about the surgery because God was with her but I was just sad about the whole thing. Around 12:30, as expected, the second surgeon came out and told me everything went well and Sarah was in recovery. I could go see her in about 45 minutes. I was so relieved. Thank You, Jesus!
At this point I have lost time but a nurse came out and as I got up she told me to stay seated. Odd! She said they had had a scare with Sarah's blood pressure but they had done an EKG and she was fine. They would let me go back in a little while. I asked what her blood pressure was and she said below 70! Help her, Jesus! Thank You, for her being ok, now! Later, here came two females. Again, I got up and grabbed my bags as one said, "I'll take your bags for you." As I began to walk the direction they came from the other said, "we are going to the consultation room." My heart sank or stopped - not real sure. I asked if Sarah was ok and I was told that the doctors would come in and talk to me. I fell apart! It felt like forever but finally a doctor came in, who I had not met, and said that both of Sarah''s lungs had collapsed and she needed a procedure. I had Mike on speaker phone. They told me she couldn't breathe and that she was scared. They were doing everything they could. They were trying to get the first surgeon to come put chest tubes in. She was coming out of another surgery. Thank You, Jesus, for survival mode. I asked could I pray with her right quick. I asked God to give them clarity and wisdom to know what to do for Sarah. I asked Him to send the right people in there. I asked Him to let Sarah know He was there with her. And of course, I asked it in the name of Jesus because that is where the power is! Shortly the first surgeon came in telling me that she was getting ready to do the procedure. She was pregnant with twin girls so I reminded her I have two girls and I was trusting her with my girls life - treat her like she would want her girls treated!
All of the being quiet about this surgery was out the window. We needed prayer. I called my pastor and he prayed with me. I began to panic even more. I was alone and my child was in grave danger! I got ready to fall on the floor and cry and scream. Finally, I remembered I was not alone. Deuteronomy 31: 6, "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." I was not alone and I had someone to talk to. "I trust You, God." Let her live, God! I don't remember much of what I cried out to Him but I remember telling Him, to please put the Holy Spirit in that room so strong that everyone in there would know that God was in there and that He was in charge. Let her live, God! I also prayed that they would all know they witnessed a miracle. Then the hard part. "Thank You, God for the hard times - even though I didn't mean this hard!" Thank You for what You will do with this in Sarah's life, the medical team's life, my life and all of the people praying for her right now." Romans 8: 28, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Now this was not a strong momma sight. I was a hot mess ball of nerves trying to trust Jesus! I was hysterical and shaking pleading with God but these were the things He brought to my mind. When I was weak, He made me strong. 2 Corinthians 12: 9, "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'”
This is joy. I was shattered, heart broken more scared than I had ever been but I had a God Who was in control and taking care of us both! Looking back, what would I have done without spiritual formation? What if I had not had scripture to fall back on? I had the One Who loved my daughter the most! I had the Great Physician with us! I had the One Who was not only in control in that operating room but also The Great Comforter holding a broken-hearted mother up!