Raw and Real
The same week I heard I would be having another surgery, Sarah was told that she would need her surgery sooner rather than later. After the scare from her last surgery I just could not think about that, again, so soon. Later that week, Mike's heart went into A-Fib. So, I was not surprised when I heard Mom has a torn rotator cuff and that is why she has been in so much pain. Got the call that Sarah's surgery is twelve days after mine! On top of all of this, our broken dark world seems to stay in the back of my mind. I just kept pushing each issue down.
Every day I put on that smile and kept doing life. I was trying to get three weeks ahead at work before I left. I was tired. I kept my surgery to myself because I was not ready to talk about it. One morning at work, Pastor Barry, asked me how I was doing. I said fine and we kept chatting. A little while later he said, "but how are you." Before we went into a meeting he said, "you have avoided my question. How are you?" Wow! I knew I couldn't talk without the floodgates opening. I said, "things are hard right now. I am not ok."
That is what I love about Pastor Barry, he cares, he listens and he loves and God uses him in a mighty way! He reminded us that it is ok to be needy. We are all needy, especially during these times! I think most people reading this would admit that they always say they are fine when they are really needy. I know that I have to cry out to God but sometimes I have to be reminded. I guess I put it off because, let's face it, it is hard to reach down, deep, and pull all of that tough stuff out and deal with it. I went home that day and got on my knees and cried out! What a release a good cry can be. I told God I know He is with us and I know we will all grow through this and be stronger in Him. I was honest that I am tired, weary and burdened, like He didn't know! I knew Pastor Barry would follow up and he did. I told him I hit my knees and surrendered that day and the floodgates opened!
Tired and weary? Matthew 11: 28, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." God helped me change my focus to what I know, based on His faithfulness in my life. God is good, all the time! He has never failed me yet! He loves my family even more than I do! I thank Him for these hard times because that is when we grow. As the song says, "All my life you have been faithful! All my life you have been so, so good! With every breath that I am able, I will sing of the goodness of God!" Amen!
This too shall pass and I will keep trusting. Ephesians 3: 20, "Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us..." Mike and I have talked about how we can't wait to see what good things are coming! In the meantime, I will sing of the Goodness of God!