It is three in the morning and I have not gone to sleep yet. I lay there and get frustrated because my mind automatically wants to go to negative things in the dark. I tried to picture me laying in God's hands but then I would be reminded of a bad choice I made today! Why didn't I do like I usually do and say, "God, these are not thoughts of you so please take them away from me"? But I didn't. I think sometimes we just like to berate ourselves until exhaustion.
It was not something bad that I did, it was what I did not do. I missed an opportunity to witness. I had been waiting for about 15 minutes for something and I was tired and hurting. Someone else walked up, wanting what I had. I got what I came for and went on my way. What is so bad is that it was an older lady and I love old people. I do not know why I walked away. It did not even hit me til later. By the time I had replayed it over and over in the dark I had the whole place talking about what a poor witness I was. Whoever witnessed this had no idea how much I love God! I could see God shaking His head in disgust because of me not putting someone else first. I berated myself over and over.
If I had just done what was right, and put someone before me, I would not have spent the night feeling guilty. Proverbs 21: 3, "To do what is right and just is more acceptable to the Lord than sacrifice." I did not even think about my lack of thought for someone else but my conscious did. Romans 2: 15, "They show that the requirements of the law are written on their hearts, their consciences also bearing witness, and their thoughts sometimes accusing them and at other times even defending them." Those people would never know how much I love the Lord. I will not get that chance back. Hebrews 12: 14, "Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord." I missed the chance to love and show the face of Jesus.
I asked God to forgive me and thanked Him for taking it away. I told Him I know I missed out on a blessing by not sacrificing for someone else. I just thank God for forgiveness and new days! I will do better tomorrow! Just as every good thing I do does not define me, thankfully, neither do the times that I drop the ball. I will always be a person with flaws but I have asked God to help me be more sensitive to how I might bless others. I will learn from this mistake and move on.
"Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise,16 making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil." Ephesians 5: 15-16