Jill Jarrell Newsome
It's Hard To Say Goodbye
In 2000 Mike and I left Sarah and Ivey to go out of the country. There were lots of tears saying goodbye. I told them when they got ready to go to bed to look outside at the moon. Know that I would be looking at that same moon! When Sarah was 11 I took her on her first mission trip to Antigua. Since Ivey was too young Mike took her to Disney World. We were all going to be traveling separately. I reminded Ivey about the moon. When Sarah was 15 we had a student from France spend a month with us. After the month Sarah went to her home in France for a month. The day those two left my heart was broken. I had grown to love "Clem" and she was like another daughter. I did not know if and when I would ever see her again. I bought she and Sarah gold necklaces of the moon and told them when they looked at it to know we are looking at the same moon.
As my girls are older and I am older I still find myself looking at the moon. I have a hard time telling Mike goodbye when I go on a trip. We do everything together and we have fun together so it is tough to say bye. When my cousin and I visited Sarah in South Africa for 3 weeks I cried telling Mike, Ivey and Mom bye. I had a great time but looked at the moon often. Even on this trip I find myself looking up at the moon and knowing we are all under the same moon. I guess it reminds me that no matter how far I go God is still watching over all of us. We may think we are far away but never too far for God!
Since Dad died it has become increasingly hard to tell Mom bye. It is rare that she and I have a day that we do not see each other. We enjoy being together and I thank God for our time. Mike calls her every afternoon and shows her pictures of the trip, etc. Yesterday he called me from her house so we could face time. Her first words were, "I hope you are having fun because it feels like you have been gone 2 years and seven months. This is your last trip." Isn't it nice to be loved and missed!/ When I get home that will be a tearful hello!
In the morning I will be saying goodbye to Sarah and I do not do well with that. The tears have already started as I type this. My family is used to me crying when I have to say bye and often times when I say hello (a joyful cry)! My girls used to get annoyed if I cried but now they get annoyed if I don't. You understand. Sometime it helps if I know when the next visit will be but between grad school and work there is not much time for Sarah to play. Mike already told me to plan on going back this fall if I need to. Haha, if I need to! Of course I will need to!
Since 1996 when I got a glimpse of God's love on a spiritual retreat, "The Walk to Emmaus", I knew God loves my girls even more than I do! I have to remind myself of this as I give them their wings. Sometimes it would be nice to clip the wings for a while but that is not really what I want. I am grateful they are independent. In Jeremiah 1:5, we read: “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you; before you were born I sanctified you…” God knows Sarah and Ivey even better than I do! He knows what they need better than I do!
Jeremiah 29: 11, "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." God has appointed my girls to a particular task that He needs them (and only them) to do! And this job or task may be different than what I had planned. I have plans for my girls and it includes specifics that I will not post but one plan that I share with Mike is that they will both raise their families in Wilmington, NC! More importantly I want to know that they find their will in line with God's will even if it is not my will!
So it is time for me to go home where I belong. Once I get in the plane I will readjust my attitude and be excited to see Mike, Ivey, Mom, Duke and Leo! Mom needs her entertainment director back! I am so grateful that writing is my therapy because I needed this!
Sarah and Ivey are individuals who God created for a purpose. I find comfort in Romans 8: 28, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." I have to trust God with my girls. His goodness and His provisions are always there. Sometimes we do not see it until after the fact. I have limits of what I can do or provide for my children but God does not. He can do the impossible! And only He knows exactly what they need!
It always comes back to...we have to trust Him!