It is not always easy for me to be so honest - especially when I am finding things that I need to work on. I really did not want to be real and raw again so I kept fighting God. Then I heard on the radio how we are to share honestly even when it is not easy. That is when God can use us because our testimony is more powerful through our authenticity and honesty. It is during the tough times that we can show our faithfulness.
My daughter, Sarah, is having surgery in Virginia Wednesday morning at 8:30. I have felt all of the prayers and have had peace. Monday as I prepared to leave town for a week I went through the motions. Then I wrote an email to my prayer warriors for specific prayers and I went through the emotions. I just lost it. My heart is broken. I do not want my daughter to have to go through this. I hurt for her emotionally and physically. And I am scared after what happened in September with her surgery.
Sarah wanted Mike to go with me so I would not be alone this time but the logistics just don't work staying where I am and only one person per day and visiting hours are only 1-5. He can help here at home. The one thing I know is that Sarah will not be alone in that operating room and I will not be alone in that waiting room. God told and showed me that last time. Deuteronomy 3`1:6, "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."
I have a hard time admitting when I am not ok. It is ok not to be ok! I know when I am weak, I am strong but I have to keep reminding myself. 2 Corinthians 12: 11, "For when I am weak, then I am strong." God, help me with my unfaithfulness. Help me trust You! Help me to remember how faithful and good you have been to me and You are not going to stop now!