The last two weeks I have felt God was nudging me to share something I don't want to share. I did not pray about it because, let's be honest, I already knew what God wanted. I feel like I am open and put my life out there all the time. I have struggled with why I do not want to share this and I think it comes down to pride. The other night after I told God I would share I got a message from someone I had not heard from in years. She is going through breast cancer and needs encouragement. O.k. God! His timing is always perfect!
I think my pride comes in not wanting people to think of me as having had cancer. That is not my identity. I have put it behind me and do not care to think about it. Maybe because often times people share the stories or statistics of it coming back. Maybe because it was a bump in the road with lots of blessings that still hurts to think too deeply about. Whatever the reason, God can use it! I have to share to give hope and bring God glory! Daniel 4: 2, "It has seemed good to me to show the signs and wonders that the Most High God has done for me."
Tomorrow I will share a story that came up in Sunday school Sunday and I came home and wanted to share it. That is when I knew God was getting to me! Because I could not remember specifics I got out my Caring Bridge book (I had all of my journal entries put into book form) and read about that event. Then I did a lot of crying. Crying for my girls, Mike and my Mom. Crying for how sick I was. Crying because of the unknown. Crying because of the intense suffering. Crying because of all the blessings. Crying because of God's grace. Crying because of God's healing! Crying because I had finally quit fighting God on this and could have relief. Crying because that is what Jill does! And after the fact it feels so good, like a release!
After the tears I realized how many stories I have to share from that time in my life. I have to let go of the pride. Pride is about my glory but humility is about God's glory. Every trial that does not kill us not only makes us stronger but also leaves us with an inspirational story. Because of my encounters with God through this time I can celebrate these trials. James 4: 6, "But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: 'God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.'”
From now on I will share the good, the bad and the ugly about the blessings of breast cancer. Like Apostle Paul said in Philippians 1: 12, "Now I want you to know, brothers and sisters, that what has happened to me has actually served to advance the gospel. I, too, want people to know everything that has happened to me has helped me to spread the Good News!
I am a work in progress. God works with me every day and slowly, very slowly, changes me to be more like Him in the fruit of the Spirit - love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Sometimes I move at a snails pace and sometimes I sit for a while. And He is still working on the humility!
Think of the trials in your life. How did God help you through it? Do you have a story of encouragement to share with someone? Give God the glory!
And let's get this out there.....I am healthy! I believe I have been healed....but that is another blog!