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  • Writer's pictureJill Jarrell Newsome

God Was There

I have to be honest - I was so nervous about going to my high school reunion. Mike could not believe it because I even love his reunions! I missed our last reunion because I was too sick. Statistics didn't look hopeful for me making another one. My fear was going this year as the "sick girl". I am not sick. I have been healed! The other part I dreaded was the memorial table where candles would be lit for those who have passed. I go through times of survivor's guilt and I cannot write about it without tears so I knew I would cry.

It was important for me to go to the reunion to see all my friends! After all, none of us know if we will be around for the next one because we are not promised tomorrow! Proverbs 27: 1, "Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring." I was going to have to trust God to put that protective covering around me.

The week of my reunion, God sent a friend to me. She lost a son and was talking about survivor's guilt. I can't imagine losing a child but I told her I have survivor's guilt about other's. I have buried a lot of friends through the breast cancer world. As a friend was dying I told her I had survivor's guilt - we both had girls the same age. She understood and talked about if our roles were reversed. She said God was calling her home - not me. I had more to do and I had to live. What a gift that talk was! I realized that some things I will never understand. God does not intend for us to understand everything. Isaiah 55: 8-9, "'For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,' declares the Lord. 'As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.'" God's plan for me is not over. Jeremiah 29: 11, "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord..." I just have to trust God. None of us know what tomorrow brings.

God was at the reunion - I had the best time. I never heard anything about sickness of any kind! I never saw the memorial table until I was walking out of the reunion! I am glad it was there for people to be remembered but I didn't need the table. I had already been thinking about them all week and thanking God for their lives. For those who have gone on to their great reward - they are at the best reunion!


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