My biggest fear was public speaking. In 8th grade I had a negative experience and I knew it would never happen again! As you may know, when you let fear take over it does! I snowballed that fear and after a while I was afraid of being in front of people - not speaking - just being in front of people! The fear ruled my life. In college I had to pick a speech free major and check the syllabus on day one to see if I needed to drop the class. It got so bad that I would not go up for Communion at church. I could not stand being in weddings, including my own!
In 1996 I was invited to attend a 72 hour spiritual retreat and I gave myself 100% to God. A year later I was asked to give a talk on a retreat. Through a miracle, I gave it. For the next 23 years God nudged lots of people to ask me to do talks. ONLY for Him! God was sneaky having me start Sunday school classes and ladies groups, having me lead and pray out loud.
I was trusting Him more and more! I knew in my head that God did not cause that fear but it took a long time for me to know it in my heart. 2 Timothy 1: 7, "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." I began trusting God and finding my will in His will. Proverbs 3: 5, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart..."
God continues to give me tasks that are bigger than what I can do in my natural power. He also gives me knowledge and wisdom that is not limited to the world. God's anointing is His power over my flesh to do what only God can do. About fifteen years ago a pastor friend told me before I had to give a talk, “Jill, don’t mistake the excitement of the Holy Spirit for nerves.” I thought, “nope, it’s nerves.” But now I think it is the Holy Spirit so excited to see me trusting God as I push myself out of my comfort zone.
As I always say, it always comes back to trust! I trust Him with my salvation and all of eternity. Why can't I trust Him for a 30 minute talk?
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