• Jill Jarrell Newsome

Desires Of Your Heart

Recently I was asked to speak to a group of women. Some of you who have known me for a long time are already thinking that I said no. For the first time in 43 years, I was actually excited! Yes, a little nervous but for the first time, since eighth grade, I was excited! As I prepared for the talk I was reminded of a time when I was 17 - four years into my fear of public speaking. I only remembered this about two years ago and kept it inside and quiet until recently.

When I was 17, I was reading an article about MADD - Mothers against drunk driving. This mother was taking her heartbreak to schools to teach youth about drunk driving. I remember thinking, “I wish I believed in something so strong that I could stand up in front of people.” I have found that something and He has given me His boldness! I am blown away with the ways God has used me. I am in shock that people are calling me to speak - He just snuck that right in there. Me speaking is an impossibility but He is a God of impossibilities! Don’t forget that! If you think something is impossible, nothing is impossible with God! Matthew 19: 26, "But Jesus looked at them and said to them, 'With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.'” Luke 1: 37, "For nothing will be impossible with God." Mark 10: 27, "But Jesus looked at them and said, 'With men it is impossible, but not with God; for with God all things are possible.'”

That night as I was crying about being so scared of speaking in front of people. It was exhausting always running. It was exhausting trying to always find out what might be around the corner. I wished I could speak in front of people. God told me that day that one day I would speak in front of large crowds. I never believed Him. Or maybe I just ran. Maybe I buried it. I do not know what the future holds but I know that with God there is peace, healing and restoration.

God knew when I was 17 that I would be given opportunities to speak. And He knew I would finally come to the table, excited and trusting Him! It makes Psalm 37: 4-5 come alive, “Delight yourself also in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, Trust also in Him, And He shall bring it to pass." You know, when I said I wished I could speak in front of people, I never thought of that being a desire of my heart! But I did commit and I am still learning to trust and He brought it to pass!

When God heard me say, "I wish I believed in something so strong that I could stand in front of people and speak", He heard me. And for 43 years He has pushed me to take baby steps to get to the desire of my heart. Until I prepared for the most recent ladies tea, I had never realized that the thing that brought me the most fear was the desire of my heart! Baby steps for 43 years but He brought it to pass!


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